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Funny SMS Jokes SMS Quotes

Funny SMS Jokes SMS Insulting SMS

Jokes Santa/Banta SMS

 

Judge asks a little Kid: Now that your parents are 
getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
Kid: No, my mummy beats me.
Judge:  Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
Kid: No, my daddy beats me too.
Judge: Well then, who do you want to live with?
Kid: I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, 
they never beat anybody !!!


1Santa: I got married because 
I was tired of cooking, clean ing
home and washing clothes.

1Banta: Amazing, I got divorce 
for the same reason.


2Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went 
alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
2Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money.
I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend. 



Funny Sharma was filling up application form for a job.
<a href="http://instaforex.com/?x=DTRH">InstaForex</a>

He was not sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: YES
 
A Very Funny beautiful girl was a college student.
Once Very Funny Girl comes late to class.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Very Funny Girl : One boy was following me, sir.
Teacher: So, What?
Very Funny Girl : That boy was walking very slow.


Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?

Funny Girlfriend: It is sufficient for me, but how will you survive?
Hindi Version
Boyfriend: Kya tum meri salary mein guzara kar logi?
Funny Girlfriend: Mein to gujara kar lungi par tera kya hoga kaaliya?


Angry Boss: Have you ever seen an owl?
Employee: (looking down) No Sir...
Boss: Don't look down. Look at me.

Hindi Version
Angry boss: Tumne kabhi ullu dekha hai?
Employee: (sar jhuka ke) Nahi sir
Boss: Neeche kya dekh rahe ho? Meri taraf dekho.


Hindi Joke 

Very Funny Girl ek beautiful college student thi.
Ek bar vo class me late aati hai.
Teacher: Tum late kiyon ho?
Very Funny Girl : Sir Ji, ik londa mera peecha kar raha tha.
Teacher: Par fir kya hua, tum late kaise hui?
Very Funny Girl : Sir, voh londa bahut dheere dheere chal raha tha.
 

When life is going wrong,
when relations break up,
when sorrow engulfs you,
when tears flow down your eyes,
just give me a call:
because I sell tissue papers!

If eyes speak: Love.
If tears speak: Affection.
If money speaks: Greed.
If everyone speaks: World.
If only you speak: Mental

Four things which brings tears to the eye:
Broken Love.
Separated Friendship.
Death.
Onion!

At this very moment;
1 billion people are sleeping,
1 million people are eating,
1000 people are drinking,
100 people are playing
and 1 monkey is reading my sms.  

 

Teasing SMS Joke
What's the difference between stupid and idiot?
Stupid will delete this joke.
Idiot will forward this joke.
Ha ha, what will you do now?

When you feel sad and alone,
When everyone seem to be leaving you,
when the world seems to be fading away into the mist,
please let me know: I will take you to the eye specialist for a checkup!

Close your eyes for a minute and think about yourself.
Now open your eyes:
Congratulation! You have wasted a minute of your life thinking about an idiot.

But why didn't you tell me the good news.
I heard it from one of our friends.
Anyways Congratulation!
A TV channel has been named after you.
Animal Planet!

I saw you yesterday on the road.
Such beautiful eyes,
walking gracefully down the road,
and I started to sing;
Who let the dogs out!

Beauty is not based on how you look,
beauty is not based on how you speak,
beauty is not based on your color,
but beauty is based on your inner self.
So please change your inner-wear daily without fail! 

 

Funny SMS

It seems that a new law is coming in 2010:
All beautiful people have to pay beauty taxes.
Thankfully you escaped. But I didn't!
Ok, don't get tensed, forward this message to your friends and have fun.

No calls from you.
No SMS from you.
No emails from you.
I am really afraid whether,
The Dog Catchers found you again!

Hilarious Joke Message SMS
Secrets for a happy and healthy life:
Get a girlfriend who cooks well.
Get a girlfriend who takes care well.
Get a girlfriend who looks well.
And most of all make sure that these three girls don't meet each other! 


Insulting Jokes SMS
Please select one of the following days:
Saturday
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday.
And kindly take a bath at least on that one day because I can't tolerate bad smell.

Most Lovable Kiss: Mother's,
Sweetest Kiss: Girlfriend's,
Cute Kiss: Sister's,
Hottest Kiss: keep your lips on the bike silencer!

You are so far away from me,
many hundreds of miles.
Yet, I see you every day in the following TV Channels:
Animal Planet.
National Geographic.
Cartoon Network.

You are so cute my dear friend:
C: Causing.
U: Unnecessary.
T: Trouble.
E: Everywhere.

You are the most SENTIMENTAL friend of mine:
One percent SENTI
Ninety Nine Percent MENTAL!

I want you to be with me on a cheerful night,
in a nice restaurant,
candlelight dinner,
superb menu,
and say the 3 important words to you.
PAY THE BILL!

Hello, this is All India Anti Sleep Association.
Our aim is to call up everybody,
and disturb the sleep of others.
"Thank you and over".
<a href="http://instaforex.com/forex_bonus.php?x=DTRH">InstaForex</a>
Sometimes small things in life hurt a lot.
If you don't agree with what I say, try sitting on a pin.

A girl called me last Sunday and told
"Nobody is home. Please come".
I went to her house.
What she said was true:
Nobody was there!

I have lots of jokes in my mobile.
But I can’t send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time.
So I’m sending you just 1 joke
"You are so beautiful"

Do you know what the computer thinks when you sit in front of it?
INTEL Inside.
Mental Outside.
Your words are like Crocin,
Your smile is like Colgate,
Your touch is like zandu balm,
Your presence is like Anacin,
Your SMS is like Vicks action 500,
and that's why I never fall ill!

Without ugliness, there is no beauty in the world.
Without stupidity, there is no intelligence in the world.
So don't worry, you are very much required in this world!

Police have put me in jail,
because I was in possession of GOOD LOOKS.
The police needs an ugly donkey,
to take me out on bail.
So I messaged you!

The Earth might stop revolving,
The stars might stop twinkling,
The birds might stop flying,
The sun might stop glowing,
But your brain will never start working!

A baby pig asks his father:
Father why are we so ugly?
The father says to him:
Don't worry my son,
you should see the one who is reading this msg.

A short story, thrilling and full of suspense till the end. Read on.
.
.
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.
.
The End

Today's best quote.
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Scroll down.
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Life is just like this:
there is nothing at the end.

Hello, this is your cell phone who is speaking.
There is no particular problem.
I just wanted to leave your pocket, the smell is unbearable!

Why did God create "Albert Einstein" before creating me?
Ans: Because he wanted to create a "SAMPLE PIECE" before creating a "MASTER PIECE"!!

Those bright eyes, beautiful smile, milky white teeth and sweet voice.
Enough about me, tell me about you now.

I miss you so much,
where ever I go.
I want to see you,
every day.
I feel like seeing you,
if I am out of town.
Do you know why?
Because I love dogs!
 ...........................................................
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